I did a thing.

And now it’s highly likely I no longer have a pulse.

I did a thing and I don’t think anyone who does this thing ever recovers from it…

I don’t know if you know this yet, but I love the TV show Supernatural… I know – I hide it rather well. I’ve only been to and blogged about Supernatural conventions maybe once, or twice. Maybe three times in the past… (This is sarcasm, by the way 🙂 In case you actually don’t know me or this blog yet :D)

I’m also pretty quiet about how much I adore Misha Collins in particular. None of those conventions included heart eyes directed at him and my social media is not at all full of posts about Misha and all the wonderful things he does to make the world a better place.

And I’ve certainly never used my Rock God blog to mentioned once or twice about doing GISH, his galvanizing the fandom to increase the positive impact on the world event thing I take part in….

So, even if you know me, it seems unlikely that you would know… But I do – I love this show, this fandom, and I adore all the actors, not just Misha.

(But mostly Misha. For reasons.)

And if you’ve read my other Supernatural convention posts, you’ll know I did a previous thing at my second convention. Turns out, doing that thing leads to doing that thing again, which apparently becomes a gateway to doing this other thing.

And so I did the thing this past weekend at the convention in Vancouver, my fourth con.

I did the thing when all my life I had no intentions of ever doing the thing. But Covid happened. And the Supernatural conventions I was supposed to go to in 2020 (including this one) did NOT happen. They were postponed to 2021. And then again to 2022. And I missed my show, my boys.

2020 was a mess for the Supernatural fandom. The show was wrapping up its 15^th and final season and we were already weeping, melancholic, and bracing ourselves for the end. And then Covid hit.

We took it in turn and joked about the prophet in the show having prophetically stated in 2009 (s05e04): “Horde toilet paper…. Horde it like it’s made of gold. Because it is,” years before Covid and all the toilet paper actually being horded by people everywhere.

But Covid went on and on. You know the story. Death tolls, economy crashes, collapsing healthcare infrastructure, unprecedented increases in unemployment and rates of people experiencing houselessness, the impact on mental and physical health. And then the murder hornets came, and fires, and…

And this show that might seem so insignificant in that global pandemic scheme of things became even more of a support line to its fans. At the least, it was (and remains) an escape from these harsh realities, but it was also a metaphor to “Always Keep Fighting” your demons, a reminder that “family don’t end in blood,” and we are therefore never alone, even when socially distancing and isolating for months and months and months.

It was also a fervent wish – we needed Sam, Dean, and Castiel, and all their hunter friends to carry on and come fight this Covid apocalypse!

Instead, Covid continued, not only postponing the conventions, but causing the show to stop filming its last two episodes, stop production on the ones in the can (I think that’s the right term…) and to go away earlier than we had been gearing up to accept.

Sure, the previous 14 seasons were on streaming channels if you had them, but the final 15^th season of new episodes stopped airing on March 23, 2020 with episode 13 of 20, not to return again for another six whole months on October 8, 2020 with s15e14.

And then the show and it’s brilliant but torturous writing and acting devastated fans with s15e18 on Nov 5, 2020, re-devastated us with s15e19, and obliterated our hearts with s15e20, the last ever episode, on November 19, 2020.

No matter one’s thoughts on what happened and why it happened in those final three episodes, both plot/character-wise and production-wise, the fandom as a whole was not ok. There were a lot of tears. I still cry every time I watch this trifecta of endings.

2020 was apocalyptic on so many levels

For me, I would have missed this show and these characters after its end regardless, but the Covid world had me reeling without my comfort characters. (I’m not sure what it says about me that my comfort show and characters are these ones). These characters, these beautiful, and beautifully flawed characters mean the world to me.

As do the actors, who, over the 15 years of the show, and to this day, built this incredible family around the show, the SPN Family. A family they not only graciously welcomed the fandom in to, but actively encouraged and dragged us in, in part through their openness and willingness to share their – at times – deeply personal stories and their acceptance and support when fans shared their own at conventions.

And so, with all of that, somewhere early in the first set of Covid restrictions, convention postponements, and missing my show and my actors, I decided, that’s it! I’ve done that first thing twice now. When the Vancouver Con finally does happen, I’m doing the other thing! The thing I was never gonna do!

I’m gonna splurge on a once in a lifetime (for me) opportunity and buy the damn photo-op. I want the hug. The hug you get when you get a photo taken with this cast. Damn, I want that hug! I miss this show, I miss my boys, I miss the SPN Family and I want the hug.

And not just a Misha hug/photo op, a J2M (Jared, Jensen and Misha) squishy, rib-bruising, internal organs shifting hug, to be exact.  If I am doing this, I’m going for them all, because the chances of this happening again are next to none for me and if I’ve learned one thing through these Covid times it’s that you never know what life is bringing around the corner, so take the opportunities when they come around!  More than that, make the opportunities happen if you can. You never know when another global pandemic or apocalypse is going to rear its ugly head and change the course.

So I did it.  I bought the op.

And finally, two years later, Covid restrictions relaxed and convention weekend arrived!

And I did the thing.

The Photo Op

It happened on Sunday (October 23, 2022). I already knew from other fans’ social media and blogs that photo ops move super quickly, especially when one or more of Jared, Jensen, and Misha are involved.  The lines are long and there’s just no time to have a conversation with them.  Even the information from Creation, the convention organizers, advised that if you want anything more than a hug with the cast-member, you should bring a photo or drawing of what you want, and it shouldn’t be too complicated or take too much time to set up.

I also now knew that Mark Sheppard was replacing Jared in the J2M photos! Yes! (Making it now a M2J photo – Mark, Misha, and Jensen!) Mark was originally not slated to attend the con, but showed up, along with Jake Abel and Jim Beaver, at a moment’s notice when Jared Padalecki, Matt Cohen, and Richard Speight Jr. had to cancel. (Aww, Jared!  Hope you are feeling better!  You were missed!)

I had no idea what to expect other than those two things though.  The schedule said for M2J photo ops, you go to the theatre and wait for your number to be called out or announced on the screens.  So I went with bated breath and eventually the screen flashed all photo ops for M2J.

I joined the line, which was already out the door of the room where photo ops were held and started talking to the fans in front of me about what to do/expect.

Apparently some things are inherent in the photo op process. When you walk in the room there’s a table you can drop your bags on well before it’s your turn so that they aren’t in the way during the shoot and you aren’t fumbling with it as your turn arrives.  There’s a curtained area behind that table where the photographer is and then you can kind of see the cast members, in this case M2J, are facing into the room with their backs towards the back wall, blue photo drop sheet behind them. 

The staff people direct the fans to stay in a somewhat straight line so you can’t watch what is happening behind the curtains, but as you get closer you can see a bit. Here, Mark closest to us, Jensen in the middle, then Misha.

Being able to see the process as others get their photo taken and the order in which the three of them were standing before you get to the front of the line really helped at this point (Jared is usually the middle because he is so much taller, and I wasn’t sure how they would place M2J in his stead) because I cannot express enough just how fast the line moves. 

It is a well-oiled machine, the loveliest conveyor belt process ever to exist.

My new friends tell me to be sure to breathe in and smell M2J, which seems like a weird thing, but apparently they all smell really good and it’s that idea of employing as many of your senses for this experience.

They also point out the sign that says the photographer and editors will do everything they can to get rid of any glare if you wear glasses, but they recommend you take them off for the photo to be sure you don’t get glare. Unfortunately, I cannot see a thing without my glasses so I leave them on while in the line so I can see what’s happening and where I am going and not trip into Misha, Jensen, or Mark.

We are continuously moving, creeping forward step by step and suddenly there are Mark, Jensen, and Misha in full view (OMG, there’s Misha! And Jensen! Holy, they are sooo beautiful in person! There’s Mark and he’s beautiful and tall and exuding warmth!) 

(Ok, breathe in, this is a long one…) Now I’m steps away from my turn and the next thing I know the staff person is asking for my ticket, which I fumble to get out of my pocket while I’m still moving with the line, closer and closer, she hands it back and I shove it back in my pocket while another staff (or the same, I don’t know, it really did go fast) is now asking if I want the hug pose. Yes, I say as I’m still stepping closer and suddenly it’s my turn and I’m right in front of the boys but I’m now fumbling taking my glasses off my face but what do I do with them, no time to put them in my pocket or give to anyone, and arms grab me from behind, pulling me in and holding me tight around my shoulders, and then more arms, those must be Misha’s, wrap around me from the left side and then arms wrap me even tighter from the right and I’m engulfed in warm and it’s milliseconds and I can’t see anything anymore but blurry shapes but the photographer’s assistant points to her hair to clue me into the fact that half my hair is covering half my face like a curtain and so I go to tuck my hair behind my ear but my arms are stuck under three pairs of arms still holding me tight and I can only move my forearms, I feel like a tyrannosaurus with short, not super useful arms and my hair is also stuck under, jesus, that’s still Misha’s arm, but was that even a second in time, and I don’t think I’ve breathed in a while.

I manage to tuck my hair back, I still haven’t breathed in, but I at least have the presence of mind to take my forearms and hands that can move and hold on to some of the arms around me (I think that’s Misha’s arm!) and then the arms release me and I must be done and I walk away. (Exhale.)

What just happened?

It’s been days and I’m still not sure, lol. But I have the picture so I know it did happen. I did the thing. And wow there are so many arms around me in this photo!

I could not contain my joy and I need to process so I texted my sister and friends the photo, to which they replied:

“ARgggggggggggggggggggggggg!!! OMG OMG OMG!”

“Have you let go of Misha yet?”

” You could literally get hit by a bus in the next 10 seconds and we would all agree you had a great and fulfilled life!”

“Did you breathe in deeply to get the smell stuck in your memory?!?!”

“Yah, how do they smell?  This is a normal question don’t worry.”

I’m telling you – apparently the smell thing is a thing! But sadly no, I didn’t smell them, no breathing meant no smelling, and the panic of my glasses and my hair meant no moment to just inhale that moment… Which meant I was two senses down from the full experience – barely any sight and no smell. But I did have touch. So many many lovely arms around me! It took me some time to dissect whose arms are whose in the photo, theirs and mine are all tangled up together.

Yep, Chris Schmelke, the photographer, is a bloody genius. Though I didn’t even see him behind the camera in all my haste and blindness.  It’s a great photo, I love it. The experience, even two senses down, was worth it. 

I have heard some fans walk away a bit upset because there was no connection with the cast in their photo op. And that can be true. Especially if you aren’t expecting the speed with which you move through the process. Unless you make the effort to say more or if you have a pose that requires explanation, there’s just no time to connect. And in my blundering with hair and glasses, and the suddenness of arms wrapping around me from behind (I’m never going to get over that… I’ll be saying it another bazillion times) – I didn’t get the chance to even make eye contact or say hi. I didn’t speak at all and neither did they, it was that quick and on to the next fans and photo for them. Which, actually was good for my first op because it meant no time to get anxious or shy. But I did worry for a second I hope the cast didn’t feel like a prop because I didn’t really engage. I assume not though, this is their jam. They know what’s what.

And honestly, for me, the connection was the hug. Though, next time (wait, wait a minute… umm I did say above this was to be the one and only photo op in my life… Hmmm, interesting slip there… – Ok… IF there is a next time), I hope now that I know the process better I will take the time to say hi and breathe in. But the connection is still in the hug.

The hug shattered that fourth wall completely for me. These are no longer just tv stars I admire from afar, them on stage, or on the screen. These three are people whose arms have wrapped around me (see, told you, I can’t stop saying it), who I have stood next to and now know how tall they are in comparison to me. My boys. Living, breathing, and in the flesh.

They are alive and breathing, anyways.  I’m still not sure I have a pulse anymore.

(PS. The title of this blog is a song by Sarah MacLaughlin – “In the Arms of an Angel”…. It seemed rather apropos… :D)

A Con to Remember

In addition to this photo op, and the new fact, as my friend said, that my life now includes the words “Jensen wrapped his arms around me,” this convention was particularly magnificent.  As with the other three I’ve been too, we laughed ‘til tears ran down our cheeks, we cried, we sang, we danced. We met old friends and made new ones.

I went to two concerts – the Karaoke night where fans get to sing with some of the cast, and Saturday Night Special with Rob Benedict’s band Louden Swain and various cast members. I also went to Chris Schmelke’s photography talk (where I learned some new tips to help me edit these photos faster!  Thanks Chris!)

Though the theatre where the panels were held is quite large, the intimacy in the room was tangible as those personal stories from the cast and fans were shared.

Some of my favourite moments are:

Tim Omundson talked about his stroke and discovering Tim 2.0. Anyone who has gone through a major health event can tell you the impact of that event on your soul. Of losing key parts of your identity, the core of who you see yourself as, and now your body and/or mind is screaming at you “No! You don’t get to be that now!” And you have to fight to take yourself back, or adapt and discover new identities. Tim exudes the strength and determination in doing both. 

When asked what he takes from his roles, Tahmoh Penikett, who had said in an earlier question that he researched cults for his role in Devil in Ohio, deadpanned: “Well, I started a cult…”  And continued, “No, just kidding, I didn’t do that.” (pause) “But Misha did. A very successful cult at that.” (Meaning GISH, which is very successful, and well, we do have a very charismatic leader…)

Kim Rhodes and Briana Buckmaster kept us in stitches and tears. I think I say this in every post I write on Supernatural conventions, but their panels are a divine mix of comedy hour, motivational speaker series, and therapy.

They discussed how women are almost entirely portrayed in tv and movies as one of three characters: the beautiful young woman, the mom/judge, or the gramma figure. That women are so much more than this and how the industry is starting to write and show the complexity of women more and more. 

They talked about how women who are not size 0 are portrayed as sad and unhappy and trying to become size 0 so they can find love and happiness. 

Kim talked about how the two years of Covid restrictions showed her just how much she had previously let the world’s norms dictate who she was as a person. Being locked inside your house without the world to tell you who you are and who you should be gave her the time to discover who she actually is. 

Mark Sheppard. Full stop.

Mark Sheppard with Ruth Connell.  Exclamation point!

I just want to hug Mark Sheppard. (Oh wait! I did!!!!!) He’s like the kitten that pretends to be a tiger. He feigns at growling at the crowd (What do you want!?), but he says the kindest, most touching, caring, and thoughtful words in that tiger’s growl. 

Mark has said many times, including at this con, how he doesn’t trust anyone who isn’t a fan of something. If you don’t have passion for something, who even are you? And how he dislikes the word ‘fan,’ which originates from fanatic, an unkind, rarely true portrayal of what it means to have that passion for something.

Ruth and Rob Benedict. Ok. Just how many friendships and love relationships has this show spearheaded!? These two met on the show and are adorable in panel together. Seriously, find yourself someone who looks at you like these two look at each other!

Sebastian Roché is a kinetic ball of energy who almost ended up falling into my lap. True story.  He was a blur throughout his panel (making it extremely difficult to catch a photo!), running, jumping, and even doing yoga all through the theatre.

He climbed on the empty audience chairs and walked on them and over the rows through the audience, and when he was climbing over the one row to get to the next row right in front of me, his foot must have caught on the back of the chair and he almost tumbled forward in to me, to the point where my arms instinctively jerked out to catch him and we all did that gasp/intake of breath.

Sebastian also did a pretty darn good impersonation of Bono and started singing With or Without You! I do love when my fandoms mesh together! He also tried to get us to sing Harry Styles’ As It Was (yay! Love that song!). But we, as a whole, couldn’t remember the words and the event staff couldn’t find the song to play it on the loudspeakers in time 😀 We kept trying though! Sebastian then did another Bono impersonation and started singing As is Was as Bono!!

The reunion of God, Lucifer, and Jack – Grandfather, Father and Son… AKA Rob Benedict, Mark Pellegrino, and Alex Calvert. Rob, as host introduced Mark P and Alex for their panel and they looked at each other and said, huh, awkward family reunion… Then at some point, Rob was like, “yeah, I’m gonna leave, like I always do.” – referencing God’s abandonment of Lucifer and the world in the show.

Jensen’s panel. I mean, he started it by sitting with his chair backwards like Jared does in honour of Jared. Then instead of staying like that, he turned his chair back the ‘normal’ way and grabbed another chair and turned it backwards next to him. Like Jared was sitting there in spirit. Awwww. 

Spoiler Alert right ahead, if you haven’t watched the last three episodes, proceed with caution.

At one point, a fan asked Jensen if Dean had had more time to process Cas’s love confession, what would he have said to Cas? Jensen said that he actually had an answer to that, and he had had it in his head when doing the next scene that followed. That’s why he put his head in his hands in the scene where he’s on the concrete floor, not just because he (Dean) lost Cas, but because he didn’t respond, didn’t give Cas anything back to that confession. Jensen said if Dean would have had the time to respond, he would have told Cas “I love you, too.” And followed up with how some people might sexualize that, but it doesn’t have to be that – he played Dean’s love for Cas as brotherly.

One of the things that grips me most about this show and Cas’s character is how desperately Cas should have been told by all of them, but especially Sam and Dean, he is loved to his face and in those clearest of words. He needs to be told he is loved because of who he is, not because of the bag of tricks and powers he brings as an angel to the fight. He is NOT a hammer. He doesn’t have to do more or be more than himself to be family. I don’t think Cas ever fully knew this and, uhhh, it breaks my heart. 

Also, this explanation from Jensen provides soo much more depth and emotion to Jensen’s song Watching Over Me (from Radio Company’s album Vol 2), which a lot of the fandom take as a song sung from Dean’s perspective about Cas. Did I just cry a bit while listening to that song? Yes I did…

Anyways, soon after that, another fan started asking a question when they were interrupted by a high-pitched, accented voice asking a separate question of Jensen. Instantly I say “Misha!” under my breath. That’s Misha speaking!

Sure enough, it was Misha and he joined Jensen on stage – to the sound of uproarious applause and screams (not just by me…) 😀

Funniest moment of the con: Misha said in Jensen’s panel he has an upcoming sex scene to film. Jensen asked “shirtless?” “Yes,” Misha continued, (where then the audience wooed and swooned. Again, not just me…) he’s started running again and the weather has been so warm he runs shirtless and in shorts and so he was tan everywhere except the glaring white of waist to mid-thigh. Not a great look for the sex scene.

Everyone, including Jensen howled with laughter. Misha carried on and said he decided to fix the problem by going to a tanning bed, but now he is hot pink in that area…. OMG!!! :’D

Side note, during Misha’s panel earlier, a fan asked him to tell us what he could about filming his new show, Gotham Knights. Misha applied his filter and said he can’t tell us much, that every time he goes to a Supernatural convention he gets in trouble afterwards for saying stuff about Gotham Knights.

And then he left his filter somewhere in the green room and shared this spoiler. Someone tweeted about how Gotham Knights is using Misha to his fullest potential – proper-fitting suits, shirtless, and sex scene.  To which the show co-creator/writer Natalie Abrams responded, “How do you guys know about the sex scene!?”  uh oh!

Oh, Misha! 

Mind you, the responses to Natalie’s tweet are not wrong – this spoiler, and those like it, just skyrocketed viewership and the show doesn’t even start until the new year!

Back to the story, Jensen asked why didn’t Misha call him – he would have had two words for him to solve the problem of the tan lines.  To which a fan yelled out “PHOTOSHOP!”

Jensen replied, “No, no. that would assume he needs photoshopping” and that his two words were “You’re good. Just kidding – Spray Tan.”  To which Misha replied something along the lines of, “I didn’t want to look Trumpian…”

Eventually, Mark Sheppard joined them, then Ruth and Jake Abel.  The hilarity continued and continued throughout this panel.  My face hurt from smiling and laughing so much. It really was such a good convention.

I should probably try to get that photo op hug with Jared now, though, huh???